вторник, 14 октября 2008 г.

b sky b





Once I had a friend. A guy friend specifically. I thought that he was a good one. But I was wrong.

He was currently my classmate. This begun when one day, that night, I asked him through Yahoo Messenger since he is online, how to go a place within their vicinity assuming that he knows how. He did not know. Then after I thanked him, he asked me if we have problems regarding our group. How come he knew that we had problem? He noticed that something has change in our group. That day, I was also having a problem with my friend and I really need someone to talk to. Just someone to listen to me. He seems to be offering himself the way he asked me about my problem, so I decided to shared it to him.

So we started to to talked at YM. It was early midnight that time and Iapos;m almost tired of typing to him the stories so I offered if we can just talk at the telephone if its ok with him and asked for his telephone number. He agreed then afterwards, I called him to continue our interrupted conversation. I do not know what is with him but he easily got my trust and I became comfortable with him. We talked for about 4 hours in the telephone.

It was my first time to talked at the phone that long and with a guy. So I joke him that he was the record holder for the longest hours of talking with a guy. After a week, we talked again. And I apologized to him for telling my friend what he told me that I thought it was ok to tell it to my bestfriend but he was shocked because why did I tell it to anyone. It was not a big deal anyway. But I really apologized to him and I told him that I will treat him as my payment for what I had done to him. So he agreed.

Since then, I considered him as one of my close friend even if we just talked to 2 weeks. I used to tell him what happened to me. As if he was my walking diary. I was the one who call to him. I think for others it was not right to do but so what, weapos;re just friends.

I thought that he was angry to me because he was ignoring me that day. So I talked to him and asked him if he was still angry to me for what I have done the last time. Still I cannot understand why I almost cry that time when I was apologizing to him. Damn When he saw me that I am going to cry, he hugged me. While I am enjoying the scene, I asked him if can I also hug him.

Damn Am I really out of my mind?? I think I am crazy that time because why did I took advantage of the situation?

Afterwards, he told me that he will send a message so that I can call to him later. Then I went home. I am excited to tell him what I should tell him. But he was tired that time so maybe the next day.

Next day, when Iapos;ve send a text message asking if it is alright to call him and have some chit chat, he replied to me that the girlfriend was calling him tonight. GIRLFRIEND??? I was surprised that time because for that I did not know that he already had a girlfriend. Because he was not telling me anything from our previous conversation. I donapos;t know how to react when I read that. Suddenly, tears were running down to my face. I am asking myself "why I am crying? Do I like my friend?" I donapos;t know why I feel that way but I continue to cry. "Am I inlove with him?" His text message did really affect me. I called my highschool bestfriend because I really donapos;t know what to do. So while I was crying, I asked him jokingly that why he havenapos;t told me that he has a girlfriend. He answered by telling me that Iapos;m not asking him.

He has the point. But why would I ask such question? Maybe Iapos;m just expecting that he will like me. Since that incident, he started to change. How come I have said that? Before, since we talked at the phone, he pat me at says apos;heyapos;. When we saw each other at the corridor, we greet each other. Now, he did was even looking at me. Or when our eyes met, he just ignore me.

Since then, I realized that he was avoiding me. I first thought that if it because that I broke his trust to me? He told me that itrsquo;s ok with him because its already done. I have assumptions why he do that. First, maybe he noticed that I like him. According to my friend, itapos;s a guy instinct. Maybe he assumed that I really like him. Second, maybe because he had a girlfriend. Lastly, he may share it to his other friends his instinct that I have crush on him and maybe his friends agree to him.

I realized that I was too good to him. He might misinterpreted it. But, I really do not like what he did. I have accepted that heapos;s taken. But what I do not understand is that he forgot that weapos;re friends even if we were just starting to be close that time???? I had treated him as one of my close friend and then he will just ignore me? He leave me hanging somewhere.

One day, after my friendrsquo;s party, I went home late and suddenly, I send him a text message. I donapos;t know why. I asked apos;Hello, how are you?apos; Then he replied: apos;Who is this?apos; Damn For the second time, he asked me who am I? I knew that he knows my cell phone number because I used to send him friendly messages, jokes etc. I immediately dialed his number. I do not know why I did that. It just came to my mind. He picked up the phone. So I asked him how come he did not saved my number in his phone. He told me that his memory is already full. I donapos;t believe his effinapos; reason I know that he just want to be believe him that. But how come he chose my number??? I know he did that intentionally.

So I told him that I just called to have someone to talk with. He told me that: ldquo;Just talk to (gave names). Based on his answer, he did not really want to talk to me anymore. So I bid goodbye to him. That was the last time we talked. Still, I cannot believe that he is ignoring to me for unknown reason. What I think unfair for my part because he talks to my friend. They were friends first before us so I donrsquo;t care. But there are times at I am jealous with my friend because he talked to her. But I should not feel like that. I have told to one of my groupmates that I had a friend who suddenly did not talk to me for no reason at all. He told me that ldquo;Itrsquo;s not your lostrdquo;. That line really struck me, Irsquo;d realized. Yeah, itrsquo;s not my lost. I know that I did not do anything wrong to him.

I just got a rumor that he changed his YM ID. I feel that he change that because he has a feeling that I stalked him in the YM.

Now, just recently, when I was entering to our classroom, coincidentally, he opened to door and wait for me to get inside. I tried to stare at him expecting to have a ny reaction but unconsciously I nod at him but he did not react. After that, I have realized that I am an idiot because why did I still nod to him the fact that he was ignoring me. Still, unconsciously, I am waiting for him to talk to me again.


Now,
I do not regret that I have told him my resolved problem. I do not want to blame myself for what I showed to him, it wonrsquo;t change anything. I believe this happen for a reason. Itapos;s not really my lost.




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